The Snuggie

One of the first things they teach in Marketing 101 is that a product must fulfill some type of need, and if it doesn't, you must either create that need or make people think that they have a need for the product you're trying to sell. Some of the best examples of this are the black and white parts of infomercials, which is where we see how incredibly frustrating life is before the introduction of the life-saving product. Let's look at this outstanding commercial for the Snuggie:

"Blankets are OK, but they can slip and slide, and when you need to reach for something, your hands are trapped inside." Ain't it the truth!! But I'm afraid this poor woman needs more than a Snuggie. For starters, if it's so damn cold in her house, she should invest in a real blanket! And did you see how agitated she was over that phone call? Geez, lady - take a breather. Let the call go to voice mail if you're so worked up. Unless it's the doctor calling, because you might want to ask about lowering your steroid dose. While you're at it, this might be a good time to think about switching to Sanka.

But wait, what's this? The Snuggie? Of course! Turns out all this poor woman needs is a blanket with sleeves. Brilliant. And just look at all of the things you can do with a Snuggie that you simply cannot do with an ordinary blanket:

• use your remote!
• read a book!
• use your laptop!
• enjoy a snack!
• use your hands!
• pour some coffee!
• play with the baby!
• pet the pooch!
• toast marshmallows!
• go to a football game!!
  

Amazing. Now I understand why my life is so empty and unfulfilled -- It's because I don't have one of them Snuggies! One question that I had while watching this: If the snuggie is one size fits all, why isn't the baby wearing one? Hey lady - if it's so godamn cold in your house (as evidenced earlier in the commercial), why are you all snug and warm in your snuggie, while your baby is on the brink of frostbite? Someone needs to call child protection services.