Monday, December 05, 2011

12.5.2011: Saditude

Today marks the 4th anniversary of my dad's passing. It's also the first year of recognizing this day without mom, who passed away earlier this year.  The first person I want to talk to today is mom because she was his life partner, the one who knew and missed him most. Having them both gone today makes the pain seem new again, if that makes sense.

So yeah, I feel an intense sadness this morning (at 4:00 am!), but also a remarkable sense of gratitude for having these two individuals for my parents. As I've gotten older I've been able to appreciate them for their humanness. Things that I might have considered shortcomings while they were alive are now just part of who they were.

In the case of my dad, I am able to embrace his triumph over the disease of alcoholism, which had beat him down more than once. Despite the challenges he worked the program and was able to live his last 20 or so years as a sober person. I doubt he viewed his sobriety the same way that I did, but I consider it to be the greatest gift he could have given his family. Through his sobriety we were able to become closer and recognize the love and appreciation we all had for our little family unit. My brother and I also learned from his example that money and wealth do not equal happiness; It's how you manage what you have that counts. Money is worthless if you end up sick just trying to make more of it.

So today's for you, dad. I hope you knew/know how much we love you and that we truly understand the sacrifices you made for us. Your life was not an easy one, but in the end I hope we were able to make it all worthwhile.


1 comment:

csnelly66 said...

This left me teary and reflecting on the loss of my parents during this time of year. In January/Febuary it will be 12 years since my parents passed (they passed 30 days apart from one another). One never really knows how to reflect because emotions just "happen". Just when you think they make sense, they dont. Just when you think you have it understood, it sends you spinning. May you find peace and comfort as you reflect my friend. With each passing month or years, a new realization will occur and it can be a wonderful journey if we open our eyes to it and let our hearts see.