Sunday, December 14, 2014


While experiencing a hearty mess of mixed emotions, I took on the task of putting up the Christmas tree in my ancestral home this evening. There was a good level of comfort felt as I assembled the tree and strung the lights. If my memory is correct, tonight was the first time I've ever put up a tree by myself.

Along with the good feelings I gained from taking on the tree, there's an understandable level of sadness in celebrating this Christmas without my family (this is only the 2nd Christmas since my brother's passing). Still, I feel a keen responsibility to continue traditions that brought my deceased family together in good years and bad.

So I'm now pondering whether 2014 falls under the good category or the bad. In the current moment, things aren't at their jolliest; my Crohn's disease is active, so in terms of my health every day is a challenge. These health struggles have led to a resurgence in depression and anxiety. It's pretty damn painful lately in my head, heart, and gut. In the coming weeks I've got about half a dozen tests (blood, stool, urine, colon, etc) that will hopefully point to what direction we should take with my treatment.

The good news (there's always a silver lining, I reckon) is that I've got my husband beside me on this journey. I know that this can't be easy for him, but it's part of his job, right? We support each other in sickness and health. We've also got our companion rabbit Austin, who has been a true-blue buddy to me over the past few months. He's a clever, mischievous little guy who makes me laugh just about every day.

So as 2014 draws to a close, the opportunities of a new year approach. Despite all the bullshit that's currently weighing me down, I'm optimistic that things can be better. Heartache is a part of life, but it doesn't need to be the compass I use to navigate each day.

Happy Holidays to all of my readers. I wish you all health, happiness, and hope. Let's rock 2015.

Peace -


James said...

Hi Jeff:
Nice blog!

I found you doing a search for the Nat King Cole album Lazy-Crazy-Hazy-etc LP. We have a lot of common interests regarding music. It inspired me to play some Rascals after reading your post about the song "See".

I've read thru some of your posts and wanted to give you support for the Crohn's/colitis problems. A lifelong friend has it and has turned his life upside-down. Good tidings to you in your struggle.

Also, even though I'm a couple years older I also have a brother who's 15 months younger and led a very different life from mine and I feel like I can relate to what you're talking about to some extent.

Keep posting!

Jeff said...

James - thank you for the great comments. Always glad to inspire someone to play The Rascals. :) Thx for the support re: Crohn's. Sometimes it really is a daily fight. Hope your friend is hanging in OK.

All the best to you - Thank you for visiting my blog!! JEFF