Friday, June 19, 2015

NYC2015: Hitting "Restart"

Friday, June 19.  MSP Airport.

Many mixed emotions right now,  waiting to board a plane to NYC.  All of the news channels are talking about the church shooting in Charleston. Doesn’t feel like a proper time for a vacation, but I know if I were at home I’d just flip between channels and get angry over what feels like a country that’s gone over the moon with hate.

A more obvious reason for me not be on vacation is the financial situation Leo and I are in at the moment.  I try to remind myself that I booked this trip back in early March, before we saw the shit storm on the horizon.  This trip was originally conceived as a getaway for both Leo and me.  Last week I felt major quilt over leaving Leo at home (he couldn’t get the time off of work, and didn’t feel right spending the money for just a couple days in NY).  I contacted the travel agency to inquire about cancelling the trip, but the fees I would be charged seemed like such a waste of money.  Leo assured me that I should go.

It seemed appropriate back in March that I plan some type of get away, and this Sunday’s Davy  
MSP Airport, 6.19.2015
Jones Tree Dedication had big flashing lights, saying “this is the one you’re looking for”. At the time I was anticipating being further along with my dissertation than I am right now, and figured this would be the perfect way to celebrate my progress. I’ve since re-framed the trip as a means to recharge, so that I may return refreshed and ready to hop onto the fast track to completion. My goal is to finish my dissertation by the end of the year, so that I can defend before my birthday in March.

The past 5-10 years have been a roller coaster, riddled with personal health problems, surgeries, and navigating the devastation that accompanies the death of loved ones.  There’s no way that I know to prepare for the loss of a sibling or parent, or the toll it takes on the body and spirit.  In the past few years I’ve gone through this process with both of my parents, Leo’s dad, my brother, and our companion rabbit Simon.  As a result I’ve felt broken and defeated for extended lengths of time. 

This trip is an opportunity, in my current frame of mind, to place a bookmarker at the start of a new chapter, a chapter filled with more joy than sadness, more happy beginnings,  moving ahead, more standing up than getting knocked down.   I want to re-ignite the passions that I know are still within me, and kick-start that drive I have to do something positive with the time I have left on this planet.

OK then. Now that I’ve purged all this stuff, with any luck the next seven days will be a hearty vegan chicken soup for the soul.  No turning back. Life is for the living, and I still have plenty of checklists to make. Right now my checklist begins with getting on this plane to NYC. 

Video to come...

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